Bottom Ten (a division of Bottom Ten Int.)

By Steve Harvey

Asst. Bottom Ten Editor

Page refreshes every two years

Sure, Massachusetts (0-3) seems disoriented--and why shouldn't it? Ever since the East Coast school moved to the corn fields of the Mid-American Conference it's been lost.

With a 50-point drubbing by Michigan, Ole Mass took over No. 1 from previously winless Auburned, which squeaked by mighty Louisiana Monroe, 3l-28. The latter is a win that Auburned players no doubt will someday tell their bored grandchildren about.

Colorado State checked in at No. 3, having been forgiven for its one victory (the win was, after all, over hopeless No. 2 Colorado).

Elsewhere,  Wyoming (0-3) and Idaho (0-3) play this week in an early-season Bottom Ten crucial. Rocky Mountain low!

 Fiesta Bowl officers, meanwhile, were ensnared in a campaign financing scheme intended to curry favor with local politicians.  As punishment,  the Fiesta Bowl will have to call itself the Poulan Weed-Eater Bowl for the next three years.

Leaving the subject of bowls_it doesn't pertain to USC, anymore_Trojan coach Lane Kiffin has been taking criticism for his conservative play-calling in the 14-21 loss to Stanford. But, wait! Didn't Kiffin call for a  pass when it was 4th-and-40 on SC's last play of the game?



The Colleges

Wreck, Record.......... Last Loss........................ Next Loss
1. Ole Mass (0-3)........ 13-63, Michigan............... Miami (O.)
2. Colorado (0-3)........ 14-69, Fresno St. .............Washington St.
3. Colorado St. (1-2) ....20-40, San Jose St............ Utah St.
4. US. Davis Cup ..........1-3, Spain..................... Next Year
5. Wyoming (0-3) ........22-24, Cal Poly (SLO)..........Idaho
6. Auburned (1-2)........ Def. La. Monroe, 31-28 ......LSU
7. UA (Birm.)* (0-2)...... 6-49, South Carolina........ Ohio St.
8. Eastern Mich (0-3)... 16-54, Purdon't............... Michigan St.
9. UNLV (0-3) ............27-35, Wash. St. ..............Air Force
 10. Idaho (0-3)........... 14-63, LSU..................... Wyoming
*Sorry I have no idea what the capital letters and abbreviation stand for.

11.Two-Lane (0-2); 12. Southern Ole Miss (0-2); 13. Memphis (0-3); 14. Houston (0-3); 15. Kentucky (1-2); 16. Florida Atlantic (1-2); 17. Vanderbilt (1-2); 18. On sabbatical; 19. Florida International (1-2); 20. USC (0-4 vs. Stanford over last 4 years).

Crummy Game of the Weak: Wyoming (0-3) vs. Idaho (0-3).

Rout of the Weak: Ohio State (3-0) vs. UA (Birm.) (0-2).

Quote of the Season (so far): After Stanford's upset win over USC, Fox scoreboard host  Erin Andrews exclaimed: "Nobody is going to class tomorrow morning!" A cogent observation since "tomorrow morning" fell on a Sunday. And the semester hadn't started yet.

Fighting 'Rash: "This week we learned that Notre Dame will compete in the ACC in all sports except for football," wrote Bob Molinaro of the Norfolk Virginian-Pilot, "just like Duke."


The Pros

It seems like a foolhardy statement but either Old Orleans or Kansas City figure to win a game this weekend. That's because they play each other. It's really a must-lose game for Old Orleans if the Aints intend to stay in the Bottom Ten lead.

In another widely anticipated meeting, No. 6 Chicago will experiment against No. 9 St. Louis by fitting QB Jay Cutler with a specially-designed pacifier to prevent him from yelling at teammates.

While Aints fans hide their identifies by donning paper-sack headgear, Denver partisans are covering their noggins for another reason: pigeons. The Denver Post reported that the birds have nested in the rafters of the overhang---key word, overhang---at the club level.  Fans complain that the stadium is doing nothing about the messy situation.

On the field, the low-flying Broncos rallied in the fourth quarter against Atlanta as they did so in so many victories last year. But this time they fell short, 20-27. Of course, last year they had Tim Tebow at quarterback.

Wreck, Record......... Last Loss............. Next Loss

1. Old Orleans (0-2).....27-35, Carolina...... Kansas City
2. Oakland (0-2).........13-35, Miami......... The Pitts
3. Jacksonville (0-2).....7-27, Houston....... Indianapolis
4. Cleveland (0-2).......27-34, Cincinnati.....Buffalo
5. Kansas City (0-2).....17-35, Buffalo........ Old Orleans
6. Chicago (1-1); 7. Tennessee (0-2); 8. Dallas (1-1); 9. St. Louis (1-1); 10. Denver (1-1).

Note: Rankings do not include Thursday night game between Giants and Carolina, mainly because some Bottom Ten selectors are not allowed to watch football on Thursday nights.

Others receiving votes: Philadelphia (2-0) (worst 2-0 team in NFL history).

Crummy Game of the Weak: Kansas City (0-2) at Old Orleans (0-2).

Fantasy Flops: Jacksonville QB B. Gabbert (19 pass attempts, 7 completions, for 53 yards); Tennessee RB C. Johnson (8 carries, 17 yards, no TDs; Jets QB (of the moment) Mark Sanchez (27 pass attempts, 10 completions, for 138 yards and 1 TD); Oakland RB D. McFadden (11 carries, 22 yards, no TDs). (Johnson and McFadden also made the All-Fantasy Flop team last week.)

And finally:
A pedestrian sign that would be ideal for a Bottom Ten campus: