The Bottom Ten, or the Power of Negative Thinking

By Steve Harvey

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Doesn't anyone want to savor the thrill of being No. 1 in the Bottom Ten? First, New Mexico, last year's champ, triumphs in its 2012 opener. Then, its successor, Akron, nearly wins a game, falling just 38-41, to Florida International Airlines---an obvious slap at the Bottom Ten's replacement voters.

So, there's still another new leader----winless Auburning, which was actually ranked No. 24 in Sports Illustrated's pre-season TOP 25.

Auburning is one of several schools that have defected from the Top 25 to the Bottom Ten, including Arkansas, a 31-34 loser to Louisiana Monroe (school or country singer?); and Boise State, which has yet to win a game.

Then there's Wisconsin, upset 7-10, by Oregon State. On Wisconsin! Stomp on Wisconsin!

Another team that fell for the second time in two weeks in some polls was USC (2-0), now No. 3 in the USA Today rankings. At this rate, by the time USC finishes 12-0, it may be out of the Top 25 all together.

Wreck, Record...........Last Loss...................Next Loss

1. Auburning (0-2)...........10-28, Ole Miss State.....La. Monroe

2. Colorado (0-2).............28-30, Sacramento St....Fresno St.

3. Akron (0-2)..................38-41, Fla. Int. (BT)*......Morgan St.

4. Arkansas (1-1)..............31-34, La. Monroe......... Alabama

5. UNLV (0-2)................. 14-17, N. Arizona........... Washington St.

6. Pitts (0-2)................... 10-34, Cincinnati............ Va Tech

7 Memphis (0-2)............. 28-33, Arkansas State... Middle Tenn.

8. Kansas (1-1)................ 24-25, Rice .......................TCU

9. Vanderbilt (0-2)......... 13-23, Northwestern. .....Presbyterian

10. Boise State (0-1)........ 13-17, Michigan State .....Miami (Ohio)

*BT indicates Boring Time.

11. University of El Tebow-like Pasos (0-1); 12. Wyoming (0-2); 13. Texas A$M (0-1); 14. Idaho (0-2); 15. Houston (0-2); 16. Syracuse (0-2); 17. (O and) Two Lane (0-2); 18. On vacation; 19 Colorado State (1-1); 20. Wisconsin (1-1).

Rout of the Weak: TCU (1-0) over Kansas (1-1).

Crummy Game of the Weak: Washington State (1-1) at UNLV (0-2).

Bowl game? Don't talk about a bowl game. You kidding me? Is it too early for someone to ask UCLA (2-0) coach Jim Mora Jr. about the Bruins' post-season prospects?

The Pros

Welcome back, Aints!

Yes, it looks like winless Old Orleans is returning to the days when its fans wore paper bags over their heads to hide their identity. The Aints' Aaron Kromer should win Interim-Interim Coach of the Year honors (a new classification) if this team wins half of its games.

Losing to Washington the other day, the Aints defenders looked as though they had put a bounty on each other.

Of course, it's a bit early to give the Bottom Ten title to the Aints. Cleveland, Miami and Jacksonville all have the wrong stuff, as well. Any one of them could equal Detroit's feat of posting an 0-16 record.

Jacksonville succumbed to lowly Minnehaha, 23-26, as RB Adrian Peterson scored two touchdowns. The Jaguars later expressed regret that they had gone along with the Vikings' request that no one touch Peterson.

Wreck, Record.......... Last Loss................. Next Loss

1. Old Orleans (0-10)...... 32-40, Washington........ Carolina

2. Jacksonville (0-1)........ 23-26, Minnehaha .........Houston

3. Miami (Fla.) (0-1)....... 10-30, Houston ..............Oakland

4. Buffalo (0-1)............... 28-48, N.J. Jets............. Kansas City

5. Carolina (0-1) .............10-16, Grampa Bay........ Old Orleans

6. Cleveland (0-1); 7. Kansas City (0-1); 8. Bay (Green (0-1); 9. N.J. Giants (0-1) 10. Oakland (0-1).

Crummy Game of the Weak: Old Orleans (0-1) vs. Carolina (0-1).

Fantasy Flops: Tennessee RB Chris Johnson (4 yards in 11 carries), Green Bay RB Cedric (the Admiral) Benson (18 yards in 9 carries), Giants receiver Victor Cruz (3 drops, 6 catches for 58 yards).

Don't You Love...: All those ESPN analysts who talked about how difficult it is for visiting teams to play in Arrowhead Stadium? Against Kansas City? Final score from first week: visiting Atlanta 40, K.C. 24. Real difficult.

Cruelest Tweet of the Week: From Alec Sulkin (@theSulk): "Hope you like Buffalo, Matt Barkley!"

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