How desperate is job market?

David Batterson noticed that one company openly admitted it would mistreat the poor soul that it hired for an intern position.

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Talk about a bargain
In this economy, most everyone has to spend carefully so I'm happy to pass on the news that one Westwood food stand includes the hole when you buy a doughnut.

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Buy a doughnot go to jail
If I were you, I wouldn't say anything about the price of pastry at the First and Hope Downtown Supper Club.

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More food for thought
In West L.A. Barry Nackos found a joint serving sushi that, we hope, tastes better than what its name indicates.

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That's Hollywood
My former colleague Bob Burns notes that things were really hopping in his neighborhood during a recent film shoot.

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Not exactly standard equipment
I heard a traffic advisory for a car with a forgetful driver on the San Diego Freeway. Seems the motorist had pulled away from a pump without uncoupling the hose. Reminded me of a similarly absent-minded type who was photographed by Dan Sarokin of North Hollywood a couple of years ago. The hose looks a bit like a cobra doing a balancing act.

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The latest from the Spell Czech
That's what my eagle-eyed correspondent, Dr. Patrick Mauer of West L.A., calls himself. He found another good one--an announcement from his medical group about CERECONS, a medical management software package. "The Conference Center staff seems to have taken a dim view of it," he points out.

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No wonder it's so hard to get around in L.A.
The map of an L.A. website lists a 3th Street. Obviously it should be 3nd Street.

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Steve Harvey can be reached at steveharvey9@gmail.com

Paper or plastic? Boy or girl?

Barbara Joan Grubman of Woodland Hills saw a sign in a Ralphs market that said: "Pregnancy tests can now be gotten at the check-out stand." Wonders Grubman: "Hmm, would that be the checker or the box person who would be giving them?"

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Dept. of What's Going On?
First, there were all those water mains bursting in L.A. More recently, Channel 2's local news broadcast a segment that showed Department of Water and Power workers visiting strip clubs during working hours and drinking beer while driving in DWP trucks. Who's in charge of that agency, anyway? Reminds me of a sign that Phil Proctor saw at one DWP facility.

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Too good to pass up?
Memorial Day weekend is coming up. I wonder if the Oregon business spotted by Dick Seibel last December will renew its not-so-tempting holiday offer.

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Food for thought
Phil Proctor also found a joint where you can get an unusual main dish with a side of hashed browns.

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And chew on this
I might hesitate before driving a Toyota product. But Ken Bensinger found something even more daunting in Little Tokyo -- a dish that tastes like a Toyota.

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Lexus chicken (cont.):
The owner told L.A. Weekly he used that phrase because Lexus is a prestige brand. What he should have said is: "Once you start eating this, you can't put the brakes on your appetite!"

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Still playing chicken
Bart Boydston told the sad story of the feathered creatures who arrive at one business: "They park. They go inside. They don't come out."

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Hard to swallow
As for the "lamp" curry menu item mentioned in my last column, Perry Valantine of Costa Mesa theorizes it's a diet dish ("Indian food light").

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Proof that Spring is in the air:
Dr. Patrick Mauer noticed that a bulletin at Good Samaritan Hospital takes a romantic view of an on-line resource available to the staff.

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On the shy side...
A Long Beach restaurant advertises a very proper rib dinner.

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How the McCourts raise money for their divorce attorneys
Overheard from a fan at Dodger Stadium, who had just noticed that one foreign beer at the concession stand costs $13.50: "For that price, you should get a lap dance, too."

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miscelLAny: Louis Quatorze (XIV) is associated with a furniture style. But I never knew what Louis III was famous for until I saw the sign below.

***

Steve Harvey can be reached at steveharvey9@gmail.com.

Take me home from the ballgame -- now!

The local Metro folks certainly are aware of the migratory habits of Dodger fans. A notice about the Dodger Stadium express, a bus that runs between Union Station and the ballpark on the day of games, mentions that "return service begins in the 7th inning."

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Polly quiere a cracker?
A poster in front of Long Beach's Burnett library branch announces the finding of a bird that seems to have been separated from its casa.

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Avian comings and goings (cont.):
My former colleague Robert Burns, meanwhile, passed along a flier that raises this question: Why would anyone have a pheasant as a pet? Or was it supposed to wind up under glass?

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Food for thought
If you're worried about whether your raw fish dish meets pollution standards, Long Beach has just the place to make a determination.

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Chew on this
Jeff Bliss shined a light on a curry recipe that might be tough to digest.

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A lot of people have second jobs these days...
And that apparently includes a certain Jolly Old Elf, Barry Nackos points out.

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Talk about smash photos
To save money and curry the love of viewers, TV stations now beg the public to send in snapshots, as you know. And the local anchors rave about them no matter how commonplace they may be. A perfect example was Channel 9, in the hours after the 7.2 Mexico earthquake, which profusely thanked shutter-bugs for one shot showing a broken vase in a Southland residence, another a broken bottle of pickles in a store and another some mildly-sloshing water in a swimming pool. Oh, the earthshaking drama!

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miscelLAny:
The Orange County Register paid tribute to a food that everyone associates with "wellness." At least, a lot of people under the age of 8 do.

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Steve Harvey can be reached at steveharvey9@gmail.com.

To live and drive in L.A.

Hey, even drive-thrus have limitations --- though you'd never guess it by looking at the boarded-up portion of an Angel Food restaurant in Long Beach. The intruder in this case was after the ATM inside --- and didn't get it, I'm told.

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Closing the barn door after the driver has bolted...
I was reminded of a years-ago photo by Benjamin Reuben of a similarly re-arranged Westside eatery.

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Someone badly in need of a sugar fix?
Then there was the 2004 shot by Donald Bentley of a La Puente landmark that had some of its chocolate knocked off by a wild motorist. Jimmy Rodriguez of Fontana says a local newspaper commented at the time that the doughnut obviously wasn’t jelly-filled.

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No calorie worries, obviously
Ron Weintraub of Randy's Donuts, by the 405 in Inglewood, gave me a photo of a chipmunk munching on one of his products. Even a chipmunk’s smart enough to know not to bury one of these tasty things.

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Water, water, nowhere
You may have read that the scoreboard of the Dallas Cowboys’ new stadium hangs so low that punters have been banging kicks off it. And the new Yankee Stadium has drawn complaints of obstructed views not to mention a wind-tunnel effect in right field that makes for cheapo home runs.
That’s the thing about new buildings. They always have a few surprises.
Ours out here are no different:
--Disneyland opened with almost no water fountains in 1955. Uncle Walt said that because of a plumbers strike he’d had to choose between constructing restrooms or drinking fountains first. He chose restrooms, he said, because "people can buy Pepsi Cola but they can’t pee in the street."
--Dodger Stadium made its debut in 1962 with just two water fountains -- one in each team dugout. But owner Walter O’Malley had plenty of beer and soft drinks available at the concession stands.
--The Pyramid, Long Beach State’s basketball arena, developed leaks early on in 1994. They were repaired. It was not -- I repeat NOT -- the Curse of the Pharaoahs.
--When the Getty Center opened in 1998, visitors complained of a shortage of both restrooms and drinking fountains. There was no shortage of bottled Getty Water on sale, though!

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Attn.: Fashion Police
In North Hollywood, Alex Auerbach snapped a photo of a store that seemed to share the same bad opinion of hangers that Faye Dunaway did as Joan Crawford in "Mommy Dearest."

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Unclear on the concept
Bill Doty of Sylmar saw a reminder that "nothing says refreshing like a nice glass of HOT milk.”

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Food for thought
In Cabo San Lucas, Dennis Levin of Larchmont spotted a restaurant that had adopted the maxim that the customer is always wrong. A maxim long ago adopted by phone companies and cable services.

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Pokin’ along…
Have you heard that commercial on the radio where a doctor offers to give you a "fingerprint of your eye?" I couldn't help but think of all the times Moe thumbed Curly's orb in "The Three Stooges." Curly had plenty of Moe’s fingerprints on his eye.

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miscelLAny
"As I was walking into Starbucks near the corner of Ventura and Laurel Canyon the other day,” writes Josh Mankiewicz, "a guy panhandled me. Nothing unusual about that --- except that to do it, he had to briefly interrupt the cell-phone conversation he was having.”

***

Steve Harvey can be reached at steveharvey9@gmail.com.

Carrying on about carry-on

These airport security rituals can be embarrassing. After I’d gone through the x–ray procedure at San Jose's airport the other day, a guard informed me, "You have a cylinder in your bag."
I nodded. He pulled out the cylinder and shook it. The faint sound of powder could be heard swishing around. Satisfied, the guard put it back in my bag, thus letting onlookers know that I was free to board the plane with my Metamucil.
Maybe I ought to switch to capsules.

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Law and order (cont.):
Danny Lehrer hopes that dogs driving down the street of this Hollywood neighborhood will be careful to read one warning sign.

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Ears to the ground
"In 'Oklahoma!' lyricist Oscar Hammerstein wrote, "The corn is as high as an elephant’s eye; And it looks like it’s climbin’ clear up the sky."
In Burbank, meanwhile, Marla L'Angelle points out that the corn's as low as a sewer's drain, and it looks like it's trying to climb out of the gutter.

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More food for thought:
In Manhattan, funnyman Phil Proctor noticed a magazine that might give you indigestion.

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Which reminds me
Bill Doty of Sylmar hopes that a sign at Cal State Los Angeles didn’t mean the students were becoming nauseous.

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Unclear on the concept
In announcing that ex-USC quarterback Mark Sanchez had been named an opening-day starter for the New York Jets, a Channel 9 sports guy raved the other night about what a great pre-season Sanchez was enjoying. Just one clip of Sanchez was featured. It showed him having a pass intercepted and run back for a touchdown by the other team.

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Such a deal
In Brentwood, Bart Everett saw an empty seat next to a "chair for rent" notice in the window. The latter actually referred to a barber’s station inside.

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Is that "$Paid" or "Spayed?"
"On first glance--indeed, on second and third glances," writes Gerald Jones, "this notice seems to be giving advice to people who reproduce.”

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Unoffical economic indicators
"Hard times hit the Westside," was the way Norm Sklarewitz headlined his photo of a limo for sale.

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miscelLAny
A panhandler riding the Blue Line the other night called out to the passengers in his car: "Excuse me! Excuse me! Could someone lend me $27,000 and 14 cents? I promise to pay you back.”
He settled for $2 and exited at the next stop. Maybe that’s where he had his limo parked.

***

Steve Harvey can be reached at steveharvey9@gmail.com.

Letter imperfect

At the birthday party of a high school chum, I was introduced to another grad from my school, Hamilton High. When the grad heard my name she said, ``Steve Harvey. Didn't you play baseball?" I was bowled over because, while I'd been on the varsity 46 years ago, I was just a benchwarmer. Then my chum said to her, "You're thinking of Garvey" (the ex-Dodger first baseman). She said, "Oh, that's right." Oh well.

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Talk about non-support

In this horrible recession, it should come as no surprise that nearly everyone's holding yard sales. And some people seem to be willing to sell anything, as Sara Ormenyi noticed in Van Nuys.

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Yard sale Hall of Fame

My all-time favorite notice was immortalized several years by by Otto Plum.

***

Back to split-ups...

"In Los Angeles, it seems, the sanctity of marriage is always in trouble," says writer Tom Greene. "But even I thought these two could make it. They had such a sunny-side attitude. But this is L.A., where relationships are a dime a dozen, or rather $1.98 a dozen at Trader Joe's..."

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No-man's land:

In San Luis Obispo, I spotted a directional sign for wives, at a fabrics shop.

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Abandonment, auto-wise...

In Atlanta, Rich Hackenberg found an area where you're forbidden to abandon your motor vehicle. I guess the rest of the city is wide-open, though!

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Open real wide...

Ex-Angeleno Steve Beale, now a Bay Area resident (and for that we forgive him), noticed an office for people who put their foot in their mouth.

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Duh! Award winner

My daughter Sarah snapped a sign that dressed down dim-wits in an Orange County store.

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Was he a pure bread?

One of my wife's newspaper buddies saw an accident report featuring a type of dog that sounded like a marijuana product.

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miscelLAny:

And, finally, Chasing Fire Flies magazine has the cutest ad for a Marie Antoinette "limited-edition doll." Open-necked. It's billed as "a dream-come-true doll for any girl." Right up to poor Marie's beheading, I presume. Cost of the toy is $260, which is in line with reports of Marie's extravagant lifestyle. At that price you'd think you'd at least receive a toy guillotine, as well.

***

Steve Harvey can be reached at steveharvey9@gmail.com.

A bouncing baby...knee?

We all know how the health care system has reached the point where insurance companies practically station representatives in the operating room to make decisions. So I shouldn’t be surprised about the letter a friend received. She planned to have a knee operation but the insurance company has evidently ruled she must have a different type of procedure.

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From the heart
Phil Proctor of Beverly Hills found a display of holiday cards for A.I.G. executives.

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Thanks, but…
I’ve heard of people having their houses shown in Architectural Digest magazine. I’ve never known any, of course, but I’ve heard of it happening. And what kind of an offer do we get in our neighborhood? As a fellow on my street asked, “Do they think we look like space aliens?”

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The Gospel according to Curly Joe?
“I had my 4th graders fill in the blanks to complete a trio of words, such as `Stop, Look and____’” writes teacher Terri Lau of North Hollywood. "Two boys who were working together asked for a Bible so they could look up the answer to `Larry, Moe, and ____.’”

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Food for thought
I guess if you took these two Long Beach burger shops’ signs literally there’s no doubt which one you would have to choose.

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Barking up the wrong tree
An ex-colleague came across a traffic report involving a breed of dog I had never heard of.

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Those Westsiders sure know how to live.

In Santa Monica, I noticed they can even get special service for their luxury bicycles. Pity the poor valets. These vehicles have no radios for them to listen to-no station settings to change.

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Show biz backstabbing
You know it goes on. In fact, David Batterson found an ad for such on craigslist.

***

MiscelLAny:
Here’s a case that could have gone to the U.S. Supreme Court.
A bike-rider showed up at the Long Beach Courthouse to handle a fix-it citation for a bad taillight on his car, the Beachcomber newspaper reported.
Asked by the judge if he had taken care of the problem, the defendant produced paperwork indicating he had had the car demolished.
Yes, but had he fixed the taillight first? the judge asked.
No came the answer.
The judge compromised and let him off with a $20 fine.

Steve Harvey can be reached at steveharvey9@gmail.com.