The new math: Thanksgiving Day times seven

We received a recorded phone message from my son's high school, reminding us that (because of budget cutbacks), he'd have an entire week of vacation for Thanksgiving, not the customary two days.

I can't imagine that a single kid in the school had to be reminded of this good fortune.

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This political paranoia is getting out of hand

On Election Day, my wife was taking the Blue Line home from downtown L.A. when it experienced problems and was held up for more than a half hour. One rider shouted, "They're trying to keep us from voting!"

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Talk about a delayed vote count!

In Las Cruces, N.M., Bruce Welmers found shocking evidence that the Democrats did not win the 2008 presidential election. (Fill in punch-line here.)

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Holy Toledo

Marna Geisler saw a warning about thieves at an unlikely site in Istanbul -- a church.

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Unclear on the Concept

Geisler also chanced upon an Istanbul restroom sign whose logic didn't hold much water.

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The meat of the problem

Ira Newlander thought the placard-waving street person who approached him for a handout was a veteran. After Newlander's daughter gave the man a dollar, Ira asked him, "Where did you serve?"

"What do you mean where did I serve?" the chap responded. "I'm looking for something to eat. The Indian place has soup but it's three bucks and I have a dollar."
"Your sign says, 'Hungry Veteran,'" Newlander explained, "so I thought I'd ask where you served."
It was then that Newlander noticed that the sign actually said, "Hungry Vegan."

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As if finding a parking place isn't tough enough...

Bob Becker of West L.A. noticed a patch of curb where apparently only animals can park.

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You think you have problems

Did you hear about the El Monte man who was accused of domestic violence by his wife? When police arrived they found pieces of paper in his coat that resembled bank hold-up notes. And the suspect resembled the so-called "Golden Years Bandit" who has been active making cash withdrawals at gun point in that area. He was turned over to the FBI.

Dueling signs

I wonder if any customers of one Long Beach tutor ever demand a free SAT re-test for their children.

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Football prognosticator?

In the Bay Area, Jeff Bliss saw a sign for a psychic who said she was able to delve into the "pass," present and future. (Shouldn't she have been able to foresee that her signmaker was a careless speller?)

By the way, why is that psychics are never males?

miscelLAny

Jay Berman of Manhattan Beach received a card that was addressed to "Resident or Current Resident."

Said Berman: "That pretty well covers it."

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Steve Harvey can be reached at steveharvey9@gmail.com

How desperate is job market?

David Batterson noticed that one company openly admitted it would mistreat the poor soul that it hired for an intern position.

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Talk about a bargain
In this economy, most everyone has to spend carefully so I'm happy to pass on the news that one Westwood food stand includes the hole when you buy a doughnut.

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Buy a doughnot go to jail
If I were you, I wouldn't say anything about the price of pastry at the First and Hope Downtown Supper Club.

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More food for thought
In West L.A. Barry Nackos found a joint serving sushi that, we hope, tastes better than what its name indicates.

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That's Hollywood
My former colleague Bob Burns notes that things were really hopping in his neighborhood during a recent film shoot.

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Not exactly standard equipment
I heard a traffic advisory for a car with a forgetful driver on the San Diego Freeway. Seems the motorist had pulled away from a pump without uncoupling the hose. Reminded me of a similarly absent-minded type who was photographed by Dan Sarokin of North Hollywood a couple of years ago. The hose looks a bit like a cobra doing a balancing act.

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The latest from the Spell Czech
That's what my eagle-eyed correspondent, Dr. Patrick Mauer of West L.A., calls himself. He found another good one--an announcement from his medical group about CERECONS, a medical management software package. "The Conference Center staff seems to have taken a dim view of it," he points out.

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No wonder it's so hard to get around in L.A.
The map of an L.A. website lists a 3th Street. Obviously it should be 3nd Street.

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Steve Harvey can be reached at steveharvey9@gmail.com

Paper or plastic? Boy or girl?

Barbara Joan Grubman of Woodland Hills saw a sign in a Ralphs market that said: "Pregnancy tests can now be gotten at the check-out stand." Wonders Grubman: "Hmm, would that be the checker or the box person who would be giving them?"

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Dept. of What's Going On?
First, there were all those water mains bursting in L.A. More recently, Channel 2's local news broadcast a segment that showed Department of Water and Power workers visiting strip clubs during working hours and drinking beer while driving in DWP trucks. Who's in charge of that agency, anyway? Reminds me of a sign that Phil Proctor saw at one DWP facility.

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Too good to pass up?
Memorial Day weekend is coming up. I wonder if the Oregon business spotted by Dick Seibel last December will renew its not-so-tempting holiday offer.

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Food for thought
Phil Proctor also found a joint where you can get an unusual main dish with a side of hashed browns.

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And chew on this
I might hesitate before driving a Toyota product. But Ken Bensinger found something even more daunting in Little Tokyo -- a dish that tastes like a Toyota.

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Lexus chicken (cont.):
The owner told L.A. Weekly he used that phrase because Lexus is a prestige brand. What he should have said is: "Once you start eating this, you can't put the brakes on your appetite!"

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Still playing chicken
Bart Boydston told the sad story of the feathered creatures who arrive at one business: "They park. They go inside. They don't come out."

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Hard to swallow
As for the "lamp" curry menu item mentioned in my last column, Perry Valantine of Costa Mesa theorizes it's a diet dish ("Indian food light").

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Proof that Spring is in the air:
Dr. Patrick Mauer noticed that a bulletin at Good Samaritan Hospital takes a romantic view of an on-line resource available to the staff.

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On the shy side...
A Long Beach restaurant advertises a very proper rib dinner.

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How the McCourts raise money for their divorce attorneys
Overheard from a fan at Dodger Stadium, who had just noticed that one foreign beer at the concession stand costs $13.50: "For that price, you should get a lap dance, too."

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miscelLAny: Louis Quatorze (XIV) is associated with a furniture style. But I never knew what Louis III was famous for until I saw the sign below.

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Steve Harvey can be reached at steveharvey9@gmail.com.

Take me home from the ballgame -- now!

The local Metro folks certainly are aware of the migratory habits of Dodger fans. A notice about the Dodger Stadium express, a bus that runs between Union Station and the ballpark on the day of games, mentions that "return service begins in the 7th inning."

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Polly quiere a cracker?
A poster in front of Long Beach's Burnett library branch announces the finding of a bird that seems to have been separated from its casa.

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Avian comings and goings (cont.):
My former colleague Robert Burns, meanwhile, passed along a flier that raises this question: Why would anyone have a pheasant as a pet? Or was it supposed to wind up under glass?

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Food for thought
If you're worried about whether your raw fish dish meets pollution standards, Long Beach has just the place to make a determination.

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Chew on this
Jeff Bliss shined a light on a curry recipe that might be tough to digest.

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A lot of people have second jobs these days...
And that apparently includes a certain Jolly Old Elf, Barry Nackos points out.

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Talk about smash photos
To save money and curry the love of viewers, TV stations now beg the public to send in snapshots, as you know. And the local anchors rave about them no matter how commonplace they may be. A perfect example was Channel 9, in the hours after the 7.2 Mexico earthquake, which profusely thanked shutter-bugs for one shot showing a broken vase in a Southland residence, another a broken bottle of pickles in a store and another some mildly-sloshing water in a swimming pool. Oh, the earthshaking drama!

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miscelLAny:
The Orange County Register paid tribute to a food that everyone associates with "wellness." At least, a lot of people under the age of 8 do.

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Steve Harvey can be reached at steveharvey9@gmail.com.