Let's start with David Chan of L.A., who saw a restaurant notice with a salutation that seemed in keeping with the Halloween season.
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Was he up to speed?
We don't want to make any assumptions about the photo taken by Sparky Greene in Malibu but a certain ticket lawyer may need the services of a ticket lawyer.
"I called 'Stan,' the lawyer, whose number is on the car, and asked what the violation was," Greene reported. "He said it was a traffic stop for a cell phone. Also offered to send him the picture but I think he wasn't amused."
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Don't bother the chef…
Investigating a wild party, LAPD officers saw a man look at them and then race up some stairs. Finding the staircase blocked by uncooperative revelers, one officer vaulted onto a nearby barbecue grill "and used it as a stepping stone to the railing of the second floor," reported the Thin Blue Line, a police newspaper. The fleeing civilian turned out to have a gun and was arrested.
But what impressed the cops was the chef at the grill.
"Perhaps if you or I were standing in front of that grill holding a spatula and wearing a chef apron, we might have already moved out of the way at the sight of three police officers chasing a felon," the Thin Blue Line said. "Not this man, however. No, his only response at the sight of Officer Nathan Beck's dashing pursuit was to exclaim, 'Don't step on my meat!'"
Investigating a wild party, LAPD officers saw a man look at them and then race up some stairs. Finding the staircase blocked by uncooperative revelers, one officer vaulted onto a nearby barbecue grill "and used it as a stepping stone to the railing of the second floor," reported the Thin Blue Line, a police newspaper. The fleeing civilian turned out to have a gun and was arrested.
But what impressed the cops was the chef at the grill.
"Perhaps if you or I were standing in front of that grill holding a spatula and wearing a chef apron, we might have already moved out of the way at the sight of three police officers chasing a felon," the Thin Blue Line said. "Not this man, however. No, his only response at the sight of Officer Nathan Beck's dashing pursuit was to exclaim, 'Don't step on my meat!'"
***
Anyone for sliders?
If the "actual" description in a barbecue grill ad is correct, Joyce Beffel figures it must make thimble-sized burgers. And probably wouldn't serve as a useful stepping stone in police chases.
If the "actual" description in a barbecue grill ad is correct, Joyce Beffel figures it must make thimble-sized burgers. And probably wouldn't serve as a useful stepping stone in police chases.
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Motoring to a different drummer:
Barry Rothman of San Diego was heading home when he found himself behind "a person in a convertible doing one-half the speed limit and, of course, he was in the left hand lane. The person was throwing his hands up in the air as if he were doing a wave at a Dodgers game. He was also weaving. I decided to speed up and go by quickly on the right."
And what did Rothman see?
The driver "was playing the bongos, which were between his knees, which is why his hands were going up and down. I said to myself I guess it could have been worse. He could have been playing a baby grand piano."
Barry Rothman of San Diego was heading home when he found himself behind "a person in a convertible doing one-half the speed limit and, of course, he was in the left hand lane. The person was throwing his hands up in the air as if he were doing a wave at a Dodgers game. He was also weaving. I decided to speed up and go by quickly on the right."
And what did Rothman see?
The driver "was playing the bongos, which were between his knees, which is why his hands were going up and down. I said to myself I guess it could have been worse. He could have been playing a baby grand piano."
***
Food for thought:
The Phuket Thai restaurant in Long Beach sells a T-shirt to ensure against disastrous pronunciations of its name.
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Back to the future
In Costa Mesa, Bruce Thompson of Huntington Beach spotted an unusual sign at a medical clinic that was closed. "Presumably, building maintenance people turned the sign panel backward when the clinic moved out," he said. Or, Thompson wonders, does the clinic treat visual problems?
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For men only
I haven't encountered many ice-filled troughs in restaurant men's rooms since the 1960s and 70s. I remember Julie's, near USC, had one. (I've also never been able to determine the function of the ice but we don't need to go into that). Anyway, Panama Joe's in Long Beach is one of the last holdouts in this category. And novelist David Ferrell, an old colleague, noticed a reassuring sign above the urinal there.
I haven't encountered many ice-filled troughs in restaurant men's rooms since the 1960s and 70s. I remember Julie's, near USC, had one. (I've also never been able to determine the function of the ice but we don't need to go into that). Anyway, Panama Joe's in Long Beach is one of the last holdouts in this category. And novelist David Ferrell, an old colleague, noticed a reassuring sign above the urinal there.
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For men only (cont.)
I snapped the photo, by the way. And how about some applause for my courage? You don't know what uneasiness is until you're in the process of taking a picture in a men's room and someone walks in. At least it wasn't the women's room.
I snapped the photo, by the way. And how about some applause for my courage? You don't know what uneasiness is until you're in the process of taking a picture in a men's room and someone walks in. At least it wasn't the women's room.
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miscelLAny:
The Associated Press carried a story about an L.A. court decision involving "videotaped footage of the late Anna Nicole Smith's breast-augmentation surgery." Anatomically speaking, "footage" doesn't seem like the best word to use in connection with "breast augmentation" surgery.
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Steve Harvey can be reached at steveharvey9@gmail.com or by snail mail at Steve Harvey, 6216 E. Pacific Coast Highway, #235, Long Beach, CA 90803.
