Take me home from the ballgame -- now!

The local Metro folks certainly are aware of the migratory habits of Dodger fans. A notice about the Dodger Stadium express, a bus that runs between Union Station and the ballpark on the day of games, mentions that "return service begins in the 7th inning."

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Polly quiere a cracker?
A poster in front of Long Beach's Burnett library branch announces the finding of a bird that seems to have been separated from its casa.

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Avian comings and goings (cont.):
My former colleague Robert Burns, meanwhile, passed along a flier that raises this question: Why would anyone have a pheasant as a pet? Or was it supposed to wind up under glass?

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Food for thought
If you're worried about whether your raw fish dish meets pollution standards, Long Beach has just the place to make a determination.

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Chew on this
Jeff Bliss shined a light on a curry recipe that might be tough to digest.

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A lot of people have second jobs these days...
And that apparently includes a certain Jolly Old Elf, Barry Nackos points out.

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Talk about smash photos
To save money and curry the love of viewers, TV stations now beg the public to send in snapshots, as you know. And the local anchors rave about them no matter how commonplace they may be. A perfect example was Channel 9, in the hours after the 7.2 Mexico earthquake, which profusely thanked shutter-bugs for one shot showing a broken vase in a Southland residence, another a broken bottle of pickles in a store and another some mildly-sloshing water in a swimming pool. Oh, the earthshaking drama!

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miscelLAny:
The Orange County Register paid tribute to a food that everyone associates with "wellness." At least, a lot of people under the age of 8 do.

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Steve Harvey can be reached at steveharvey9@gmail.com.

Drinking it up in Long Beach

A waitress in the Long Beach Renaissance Hotel asked a couple of friends of mine if they’d like to order some “Natura” water.
What’s that? they asked.
She explained it comes in three varieties, “Sparkling, Eco-Friendly and Room Temperature.”
Tap water would be fine, the waitress was told.
“So,” she said ominously, “you want Long Beach?”
Sounded as though it came straight from a lagoon.

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Thanks for sparing us the details
I really don’t wish to know anything more abut the crime that was reported in a Big Bear newspaper.

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Mistaken identity?
Bennett Mintz of Chatsworth saw a found-pet poster that methinks is a practical joke. (I bet this cat is adept at playing possum).

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Out on a limb
In England, Jerry and Barbara Hill chanced upon a shop that can provide you--or your sofa--with a new leg.

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Hopping right along
Then there’s the local store that has just the thing for 3-legged racers.

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From peg-legs to strong-arms
In Pismo Beach, Fred Hindler noticed a market whose shopping carts apparently lack wheels.

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Dream team
On the television news the other night, I saw an interview with a fellow who was out on bail after being arrested in an LAX parking lot. Authorities had found weapons and ammo in his car; he claimed he had just come from a firing range. Anyway, the guy did something I've never seen before. He introduced--and thanked--his two bail bondsmen, who smiled for the camera.

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Will this business be burned?
Did you read where Long’s Drug Stores and Rite Aid plan to swap some stores? Looks to me like one Long’s has decided to go into a different line of work.

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He didn’t have a prayer
For your collection of Stupid Criminal Tricks, consider the burglar who broke into a church on the Westside--unaware that he was inside an LAPD crime perimeter set up for another bad guy. The burglar set off an alarm and a patrol unit inside the perimeter ambled over to put the cuffs on him. Very convenient. The Thin Blue Line, an LAPD publication, headlined the incident, “When Not to Go to Church.”

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Oh, yes
The cops got the first suspect, too. I believe that’s called a two-fer.

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It’s come to this
Study the “MPH” portion of this sign on the Long Beach Freeway. Yes, I guess it’s true. The state’s finances are so bad that graffiti taggers are being hired to help make Caltrans signs.

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miscelLAny
I love overhearing squibs of conversation and trying to figure out what they mean. As I passed by two women in a mall the other day, I heard one say: “And then the dentist ran away.” From what--a patient that even mouthwash couldn’t help?

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Steve Harvey can be reached at steveharvey9@gmail.com or by snail mail at Steve Harvey, 6216 E. Pacific Coast Highway, #235, Long Beach, CA 90803.