Carrying on about carry-on

These airport security rituals can be embarrassing. After I’d gone through the x–ray procedure at San Jose's airport the other day, a guard informed me, "You have a cylinder in your bag."
I nodded. He pulled out the cylinder and shook it. The faint sound of powder could be heard swishing around. Satisfied, the guard put it back in my bag, thus letting onlookers know that I was free to board the plane with my Metamucil.
Maybe I ought to switch to capsules.

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Law and order (cont.):
Danny Lehrer hopes that dogs driving down the street of this Hollywood neighborhood will be careful to read one warning sign.

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Ears to the ground
"In 'Oklahoma!' lyricist Oscar Hammerstein wrote, "The corn is as high as an elephant’s eye; And it looks like it’s climbin’ clear up the sky."
In Burbank, meanwhile, Marla L'Angelle points out that the corn's as low as a sewer's drain, and it looks like it's trying to climb out of the gutter.

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More food for thought:
In Manhattan, funnyman Phil Proctor noticed a magazine that might give you indigestion.

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Which reminds me
Bill Doty of Sylmar hopes that a sign at Cal State Los Angeles didn’t mean the students were becoming nauseous.

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Unclear on the concept
In announcing that ex-USC quarterback Mark Sanchez had been named an opening-day starter for the New York Jets, a Channel 9 sports guy raved the other night about what a great pre-season Sanchez was enjoying. Just one clip of Sanchez was featured. It showed him having a pass intercepted and run back for a touchdown by the other team.

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Such a deal
In Brentwood, Bart Everett saw an empty seat next to a "chair for rent" notice in the window. The latter actually referred to a barber’s station inside.

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Is that "$Paid" or "Spayed?"
"On first glance--indeed, on second and third glances," writes Gerald Jones, "this notice seems to be giving advice to people who reproduce.”

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Unoffical economic indicators
"Hard times hit the Westside," was the way Norm Sklarewitz headlined his photo of a limo for sale.

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miscelLAny
A panhandler riding the Blue Line the other night called out to the passengers in his car: "Excuse me! Excuse me! Could someone lend me $27,000 and 14 cents? I promise to pay you back.”
He settled for $2 and exited at the next stop. Maybe that’s where he had his limo parked.

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Steve Harvey can be reached at steveharvey9@gmail.com.