Monday, January 14, 2013

Only in L.A.: No parking none of the time

By Steve Harvey

So, Assemblyman Mike Gatto has introduced a bill to prohibit cities from ticketing cars at broken parking meters, as heartless L.A. does. The Gatto bill is a good start but next we need to eliminate another nuisance: Street signs with contradictory messages.
  Here are some I've collected over the years:

And  then there are the merely indecipherable groupings of signs...

A parking lot's novel approach  
In San Luis Obispo, I found a sign that seemed to appeal to a driver's sense of  justice.


How'd you like to park this one
 Phil Proctor spotted this vehicle on the Westside_a true "green" car.

Who cares about spotting celebrities?
Looks like some tourists  deserted their van to take a gander at the exotic lingerie.


Outside L.A.'s Cedars-Sinai Hospital, Alan Rosenberg bumped into an older gent who correctly guessed that Rosenberg was a New Your native. The gent said he was also a New Yorker and walked fast, just like Rosenberg does. The oldster then demonstrated his speed, Rosenberg told the New York Times, by taking off down the street "like an Olympic sprinter"_as he pushed his walker.

It's a wonder that any passengers dare ride 
Patrick Mauer of L.A. noticed a van with lettering that said: "This vehicle stops on all railroad tracks."

Unclear on the concept:
Jeanne Barney of Hollywood chanced upon an ad for some "gloves" that don't seem to be worn on the hands.

My toughest case
How's this for a twist? Crime novelist Michael Connelly ("The Black Box") contacted ME to solve a mystery.
It seems that one day, while he was eating in Du-pars in Studio City, minding his own business, the author realized that the top of his menu said the selections were from the "grilled."
Referring to his main character, the suspicious Connelly asked: "Does this mean the cooks are cooked or are they interrogated by Harry Bosch before he eats his pancakes?"
Anyway, I'm on the case. With my usual rates, $10 a day, how can I turn it down?

Harry, you there?
I was going to phone Bosch to talk. After all, he has a live line in Hollywood, (323) 244-5631 (a real-life number that the detective gave out in ``The Overlook"_try it yourself).  But when I dial it, all I ever get is his answering machine. And Harry doesn't return my calls_maybe because I used to write for a newspaper. 

Just another reason to be a proud Angeleno
The 2013 Guinness World Records Book says that the record for "greatest number of self-administered kicks to the head in one minute" (115) was set at Staples Center.
And it wasn't set by an L.A. Kings exec frustrated during the long labor impasse. No, the self-kicker was  contortionist Joshua William Reed.
Coincidentally, sculptor Terry Allen's monument to hard-headedness can be seen on Figueroa, just a few blocks north of Staples. Reminds me of some of the folks involved in the hockey mess.

The family that drinks together (a double shot)...
A placard in a Long Beach liquor store window calls attention to "Bud Family 12 Packs."
And Nick Stein of West LA. saw an ad for a restaurant that seemed to give kiddies a discount on the bubbly.

And finally...
If you're wondering where Santa's helpers go after Christmas, my old colleague Rich Roberts found the answer.

Steve Harvey may be reached at His Twitter handle is @sharvey9.