Sunday, October 19, 2008

An early trick-or-treat?

Let's start with David Chan of L.A., who saw a restaurant notice with a salutation that seemed in keeping with the Halloween season.


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Was he up to speed?
We don't want to make any assumptions about the photo taken by Sparky Greene in Malibu but a certain ticket lawyer may need the services of a ticket lawyer.
"I called 'Stan,' the lawyer, whose number is on the car, and asked what the violation was," Greene reported. "He said it was a traffic stop for a cell phone. Also offered to send him the picture but I think he wasn't amused."




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Don't bother the chef…
Investigating a wild party, LAPD officers saw a man look at them and then race up some stairs. Finding the staircase blocked by uncooperative revelers, one officer vaulted onto a nearby barbecue grill "and used it as a stepping stone to the railing of the second floor," reported the Thin Blue Line, a police newspaper. The fleeing civilian turned out to have a gun and was arrested.
But what impressed the cops was the chef at the grill.
"Perhaps if you or I were standing in front of that grill holding a spatula and wearing a chef apron, we might have already moved out of the way at the sight of three police officers chasing a felon," the Thin Blue Line said. "Not this man, however. No, his only response at the sight of Officer Nathan Beck's dashing pursuit was to exclaim, 'Don't step on my meat!'"

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Anyone for sliders?
If the "actual" description in a barbecue grill ad is correct, Joyce Beffel figures it must make thimble-sized burgers. And probably wouldn't serve as a useful stepping stone in police chases.


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Motoring to a different drummer:
Barry Rothman of San Diego was heading home when he found himself behind "a person in a convertible doing one-half the speed limit and, of course, he was in the left hand lane. The person was throwing his hands up in the air as if he were doing a wave at a Dodgers game. He was also weaving. I decided to speed up and go by quickly on the right."
And what did Rothman see?
The driver "was playing the bongos, which were between his knees, which is why his hands were going up and down. I said to myself I guess it could have been worse. He could have been playing a baby grand piano."

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Food for thought:
The Phuket Thai restaurant in Long Beach sells a T-shirt to ensure against disastrous pronunciations of its name.


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Back to the future
In Costa Mesa, Bruce Thompson of Huntington Beach spotted an unusual sign at a medical clinic that was closed. "Presumably, building maintenance people turned the sign panel backward when the clinic moved out," he said. Or, Thompson wonders, does the clinic treat visual problems?


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For men only
I haven't encountered many ice-filled troughs in restaurant men's rooms since the 1960s and 70s. I remember Julie's, near USC, had one. (I've also never been able to determine the function of the ice but we don't need to go into that). Anyway, Panama Joe's in Long Beach is one of the last holdouts in this category. And novelist David Ferrell, an old colleague, noticed a reassuring sign above the urinal there.


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For men only (cont.)
I snapped the photo, by the way. And how about some applause for my courage? You don't know what uneasiness is until you're in the process of taking a picture in a men's room and someone walks in. At least it wasn't the women's room.

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miscelLAny:
The Associated Press carried a story about an L.A. court decision involving "videotaped footage of the late Anna Nicole Smith's breast-augmentation surgery." Anatomically speaking, "footage" doesn't seem like the best word to use in connection with "breast augmentation" surgery.

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Steve Harvey can be reached at steveharvey9@gmail.com or by snail mail at Steve Harvey, 6216 E. Pacific Coast Highway, #235, Long Beach, CA 90803.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

The stupid-criminals file

Three LAPD officers were patrolling downtown when several people came running toward them. After listening to what happened, "as told in three different languages," the officers realized a robbery suspect was on foot down the street, reports the Thin Blue Line, a police publication.

Luckily, the guy made things easier for the gendarmes by hopping a bus that was coming TOWARD them. They stopped the vehicle and arrested him -- just another suspect who needs to work more on his getaway strategy.




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Instant justice?
Sylvia Sullivan of Thousand Oaks read the headline of a local paper and concluded it was a case of no judge, no jury. Guess they're really tired of lawyers up there!



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A little privacy, please:
Outside a chiropractor's office, Daniel Cook of Santa Ana saw an offer apparently aimed at voyeurs.



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You get what you pay for:
Evelyn Hill of Malibu spotted an ad for what seemed to be some aging peaches. Enjoy!



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Speaking of paying…:
Carl Hetrick of Carpinteria read about a type of event that you wouldn't think could be "sold" out.




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One chase you won't see on "Cops":
When Claremont police tried to pull over a 19-year-old who was weaving down the road, he merely "waved at them," the Claremont Courier reported. A low-speed chase ensued. At least, it was "low-speed" from the officers' point of view -- he was on a skateboard.
They arrested him for public intoxication.
Said columnist David Allen of the Inland Valley Daily Bulletin: "As a citizen of Claremont, I'm relieved this pursuit ended before police had to lay down the spike strips."


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Still on the crime beat:
Brian Monahan of Venice noticed that local sculptor Tim Cotterill has an unusual guard animal.




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More food for thought:
Armand Vaquer chanced upon the menu for a sushi shop that seems to have a low regard for its L6 item.




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Cheap dates:
Philippe's, the French dip emporium in L.A.'s Chinatown, held a 100th birthday celebration on Oct. 6 by offering food at the century-old prices of 10 cents for a sandwich and a nickel for a cup of coffee. (Normally, Philippe's charges an outrageous 10 cents for java.)
Lately, columnist Tim Grobaty of the Long Beach Press-Telegram has been receiving e-mails telling him that In-N-Out would observe its 60th anniversary on Oct. 22 by selling burgers for a quarter and drinks for a dime.
Hold that order!
Grobaty checked with In-N-Out and found it's a hoax. "We don't discount," a spokesman told him. "We never have." I love a business with proud traditions.


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miscelLAny:
My family and I were entering a Long Beach restaurant when we heard someone on the sidewalk tell another person: "They said he was on a bicycle and he had a gun."
We asked for indoor seating.


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Steve Harvey can be reached at steveharvey9@gmail.com or by snail mail at Steve Harvey, 6216 E. Pacific Coast Highway, #235, Long Beach, CA 90803.

Monday, October 6, 2008

A business that doesn't know whether it's coming or going

Not sure if it's a reminder of how uncertain the economic climate is but Bob Reiter found a Pasadena store that's taking no chances, holding simultaneous "Closing" and "Grand Opening" sales.



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Your Dream Shack

Speaking of economic indicators, Wendy Hornsby of Long Beach spotted this bedraggled offering by none other than American Dream Realty in Monterey County.



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And for That Dream Shack...

Craig Walker chanced upon a Westside business whose spelling might floor you. "It's a discount store," Walker said. "I wonder if they got a discount on the sign?"





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Flying Conditions Are Getting Miserable:

"Here's a photo from my last airplane trip, which was completely filled," wrote Susan Jagosz of Huntington Beach. "I think this is where they put you if you don't have a proper seat assignment."


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The Third Time Was Not a Charm

A KFWB anchor uttered the word "executer" instead of "executor" three times in a story about a legal matter -- blurting out "you know what I mean" after the third booboo.


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Meanwhile, Back on the Ground...

It looks as though a Santa Monica bus line is daring passengers to come aboard.



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Polly Want a Ladder?

Once again crime is getting out of control in Laguna Beach. Officers were dispatched to a residence after a caller's parrot flew into a neighbor's tree, reported the police log of the Laguna News-Post. The owner said she "needed to get the parrot down but the neighbors refused to let her on their property . . . (The) parrot was captured before they arrived."


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Tired of Having Elevator Doors Slam on You?

Well, in Panorama City, John Welch of North Hollywood was relieved to come upon a sign in a hospital that said: PATIENT ELEVATOR.


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Man, Those Westsiders Sure Know How to Live!

In a West L.A. supermarket, I heard a man in my aisle say into his cellphone, "OK, we'll go to Dubai then."


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miscelLAny:

Long-time newspaper photographer Loran Smith of Pacific Palisades snapped the marquee of a Santa Monica church that assured followers that casual dress goes back to Biblical times. You can imagine what good news this was in Santa Monica.


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Steve Harvey can be reached at steveharvey9@gmail.com or by snail mail at Steve Harvey, 6216 E. Pacific Coast Highway, #235, Long Beach, CA 90803.